I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
Walt Whitman
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
Rodney Dangerfield
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
Walt Whitman
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx