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Smart Funny Quotes

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin

What's another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle

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