Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
Phyllis Diller
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler