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Funny Amazing Quotes

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Billy Connolly

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

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Famous Quotes

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